Fandom: Super Junior
Characters/Pairings: OT15, Eunhae
Rating: PG-15 just to be on the safe side as certain kinks are mentioned
Genre: Crack, pure and utter crack
Summary: Leeteuk slapped Heechul and got a blow torch and proceeded to set fire to the fridge...
Leeteuk just wants Super Junior to try and live a normal sin free life but 13 men with two regualr visitors cannot be trusted without manger supervision.
Author's Notes: This came about one afternoon when I was talking to a friend and decided it would be a terrible idea to write some fanfiction that contaied the pure ingenious super junior banter we had created over months on end. This is the first chapter out of many more to come...
Mornings should be relaxing and the perfect opportunity to enjoy the small things in life, such as a cup of peppermint tea or organising your family scrapbook, at least that was Leeteuk’s opinion. However, did he ever get to experience these quintessential mornings? Of course not, he was the leader of Super Junior! Sometimes Leeteuk wished that he could swap places with one of his fellow SM group leaders such as Victoria. Leeteuk was more than convinced that the F(x) dorms had to be heaven where you could sleep without disturbance at night. Unfortunately, Leeteuk was the leader of super junior and SM entertainment weren’t going to let him forget that anytime soon because they wanted to cause him as much pain as possible. Finally, whilst letting a sorrowful sigh, Leeteuk got himself out of bed to end any commotion that appeared to be coming from the kitchen.
Currently it was WW3 in the small kitchen of Super Junior. Heechul had just thrown a bowl of rice at Siwon, who was holding mass for Donghae’s fish and Yesung’s turtle ddangkoma, causing Ryeowook to fall to the floor in despair because his rice was ruined. Henry was hiding under a blanket to avoid the discord in the kitchen but also so he didn’t have to watch Eunhyuk and Donghae participating in a hardcore making out on the sofa opposite. Sungmin was using his floristry skills to arrange a bouquet of flowers for Yuri, one of two SNSD members left before he had dated them all, but some of the rice Heechul had thrown landed into the bouquet thus ruining it. Kangin had quickly evacuated to the bathroom shortly after Heechul had thrown the bowl of rice, in fear something like a knife might be thrown at him by the one and only Kim Hee-Chul. Kyuhyun was whingeing about how Heechul had terminated everything to do with starcraft after last nights shenanigans. Yesung has been trying to put a ruler in between Donghae and Eunhyuk’s lips but failed the mission because Eunhyuk kicked him in the dick. Finally, Zhoumi was happily organizing the notes on the fridge before he came across one certain post-it note and whizzed around in utter despair to confront his fellow band mates about it, before Leeteuk woke up. But Zhoumi forgot to knock on wood because standing in the doorway of the hallway was none other than an extremely pissed off Leeteuk. Nervously, Zhoumi gulped down the fear rising in his throat and sheepishly waved at Leeteuk whilst trying to stick the post-it note back onto the fridge hoping leeteuk would be too busy telling everyone off to walk to the fridge. “What?” Leeteuk whispered, barely audible but still caused all the people in the room to stop and look at him, “What the hell are you all doing at 7:30 in the morning? I was just trying to sleep like a normal person but no I had to be woken up by whatever everyone was doing. In fact why doesn't someone explain what happened in the CIVILIZED living area before i revoke internet privileges for a week?”
Upon hearing that Kyuhyun fell to the floor in tears before proceeding to look up to Zhoumi with the best puppy eyes he could and Zhoumi being the angel he is just couldn’t resist. So, Zhoumi cleared his throat and began to explain “It was just like any regular Saturday morning, I was the first to wake up so I started to unload the dishwasher and made Henry some breakfast. Heechul was the next to wake up, well I say wake up it was more like relocating to the sofa and going back to sleep again. Slowly everyone else started waking up, Ryeowook started to cook and then Kyuhyun entered the civilized living area and started glaring at Heechul. It turns out Heechul whipped every computer in this house of anything to do with starcraft and deleted Kyuhyun's account because as some of us in here know Kyuhyun was being particularly difficult last night. Being the five year old he is Kyuhyun started to have a strop around the civilized area which resulted in Heechul telling Kyuhyun; if he could not win a simple game of twister then how on earth would he be able to play Starcraft? Which is a very fair point but Kyuhyun clearly did not agree so he threw Heechul's Asuka body-pillow out of the window. Heechul started screaming so he got the rice Ryeowook had finished making and aimed it at Kyuhyun but he missed and hit Siwon and I think you probably now the rest from then on..."
After Zhoumi finally finishing the very lengthy and detailed explanation of what happened before leeteuk emerged from the comfort of his room, he walked over to the sofa and flopped onto it landing on a camouflaged Henry. On the other hand, Leeteuk sighed and lifted Kyuhyun up, by the scruff of his pajama top, and dragged him over to the door. "I don't want you back in this apartment until you have found Heechul's stupid body pillow and I don't care if you have to fight a hormonal pack of fan girls to get it back." Leeteuk whispered in a threatening tone before proceeding to chuck Kyuhyun out of the door. Leeteuk then rubbed his hands together, put a smile on his face, and proceed to act like his whole morning hadn't been ruined but to the remaining people in the room it was a frightful sight rather than a motivational one.
Zhoumi was just starting to relax into a comfy spot on the sofa, that wasn't inhabited by Henry, until Leeteuk asked the dreaded question 'is there any milk'. Fuck, was the only word that came into Zhoumi's head. But it would be okay as long as nobody said yes... Oh shit, Kangin just walked in and replied to Leeteuk with the wrong answer, yes. Zhoumi tried to run over to the fridge but it was as if he was running in slow motion and he wouldn't be able to stop Leeteuk from seeing the post it note. However, Zhoumi knew he was better than this and that he could succeed! He was just about to dash into the kitchen when fucking Kyuhyun slammed the door open and threw in the bloody Asuka pillow, literally bloody, but it somehow missed Heechul and collided with Zhoumi and sent him tumbling to the ground. And Leeteuk? Leeteuk started to scream with the post-it note in hand…
Quickly, Ryeowook ran up behind Leeteuk and put a hand over his mouth to mute the screaming 32-year old, besides proceeding to take the post-it note. However, upon seeing what it was he fainted. After a good ten minutes of screaming and an unconscious Ryeowook, Leeteuk finally composed himself again and decided to address the issue,"What is THIS!?" He screeched at everyone in the living room, holding out the post-it note even though nobody could see it. The group all simultaneously responded with we don't know, except for Zhoumi who knew too well but was recovering from the Asuka attack. Leeteuk wasn't taking the half-assed answer he received today so instead decide to confront everyone about it, "Firstly, I don't even know why we need a kink of the week but this week has gone a step too far! Whoever decided that this weeks kink should be the bloody sinful daddy kink can go and wash their mouth with a bar of soap. Do you want are fans to become as bad as exo's? Do you all want to turn out like suho and never be able to bleach your hair again because fans start calling you daddy?" At this point in time everyone was just looking at Leeteuk in utter shock and despair because they all knew that someone had gone too far this time, "so, would anyone like to step forward?"
After that question the room went silent until "errm what's a daddy kink?" Came out of Henry's mouth and Leeteuk proceeded to cry. Leeteuk was broken. Therefore, Kangin grabbed Heechul, Eunhyuk, Donghae and Kyuhyun by their tops and put them into a line "Okay," Kangin began, "it has to be one of you." All four of the suspects looked at Kangin like he was satan and eunhyuk sassed him with, "Everyone knows that me and Hae like to get kinky but not that kinky" to which everyone else fell on the floor in utter disappointment, aside from Donghae who jumped Eunhyuk and they both relocated to their bedroom to continue with questionable activities. Leeteuk then piped up about how his little baby Kyuhyun would never do something that sinful. Which left Heechul. Heechul just stood there whilst everyone stared at him. "Well it wasn't me!" He said, "but you know Leeteuk I'm pretty sure you are acting like this because you probably enjoy the daddy kink." Upon hearing that Leeteuk slapped Heechul and got a blow torch and proceeded to set fire to the fridge. Suddenly, Yesung popped up and said "ohh the fridge use to be soooo cool..." Whilst looking down at the fridge ashes.
Later on that night Kyuhyun was lying in bed craving for fresh milk but the fridge was a pile of ashes and the milk had gone with it. He let out a deep sigh because he knew he should of never put the daddy kink as kink of the week.